You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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