Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
