it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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