ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i think my cat just said my name.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
