so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
