look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
