I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
