I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
