i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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