I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
