I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
