he wants to bone in the snuggie
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
