I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
