i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
