dude i'm inner monologue high
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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