he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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