just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
