I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
