Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
