A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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