I want to make a zoo with you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had to cum in my sink.
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