areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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