Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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