i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
