it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
