I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
