You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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