you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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