i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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