Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
