So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
