Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
