That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
