Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
