Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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