I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
