My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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