We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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