Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
pray to the hookup gods
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize