Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
