Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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