I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize