I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
