I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
