Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
