I can feel you judging me through the phone.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
