He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
