forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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