i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
