you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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