Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Michael Bay diarrhea
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
