I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like abortions should bother me more
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
