i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
did i just pee glitter
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
