I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize