Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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