There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're so nebulous sometimes
That's intense
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
