pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
