Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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