Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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