you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize