My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
