I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
