He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize